Choices

Where does our Life Path come from? Pretty tough question huh? Well, sometimes trying to answer questions like this just isn't necessary. Does it really matter where the path came from or does it matter how we travel the path in front of us? You choose which you want to focus on…

Choices, life is just full of them isn't it?

How do we make choices when we feel like we don't have all the needed information? Again, sometimes stuff we think is important just isn't. When we need to make a choice, we make it with what we have at the time the choice is needed.

Think back to all those decisions that if you had to make them now, would you make the same choice? Actually, don't do that, because that isn't even a legitimate question to ask or answer. Asking a question like this cannot be answered honestly in the now, because the now is different from the then. So, with this knowledge I say, "stop beating yourself up now for what happened then."

If we continuously look back and think, "if only", "I should have", or even "Why did I do that?" we will only cause ourselves stress or create chaos that cannot be ordered because the past is the past and cannot be changed in the present.

What we can do though, is learn from the past and how to choose, behave, and be in the present. Think back to those decisions and feel those feelings you had when you made those decisions. I bet if things turned out "good" you felt excited and happy with your choice. On the other hand, if you feel things turned out "bad" you probably felt kind of sick to your stomach or were having trouble sleeping when you made the decision. Just review the situation and feelings, observe the memory.

Now, use those feelings from then to guide your decisions of now. If you felt excited, happy, joyful in the decision, you believed the decision to be a good decision, if you feel that same way today about a decision you need to make, follow those feelings, they are your belief… at the moment.

Waiting for the unknown to become known may close the door that is standing open, waiting for you to walk through. Or it may be a door waiting to be closed so another one can open… Either way, you need to make a choice, take an active role in your life,  be accountable for your life. Stop passing the buck to someone, something else. Take charge and learn to believe not in God, the universe or whatever guidance someone tells you is out there, but in YOU. 

Let the Healing Begin

I have become a bitter person. Wow, what a statement to make and how weird to hear your "self" be the one to make it.

As I sit here this morning, full of thoughtful energy zooming from one thought to another with no particular direction, a thought comes to me that floors my senses. Not only does it surprise me, the feelings that accompany it – not a very "good" Ah-Ha moment I tell you! But alas, it is an Ah-Ha moment and as with all, I believe needs further understanding. Ah-Ha moments are eye openers to understanding life, personal actions, behaviors and finding one's inner balance. So, with this dash of cold water in my face, I am delving into… I have become a bitter person.

Oh, on the surface and as far as everyone can see, I am great, loving life and in fact, I even believed this to be true. It took a thought and a feeling of "wicked satisfaction" for me to realize, "Hey, you are hurting more than you know. Time to face it and heal!"

Along with this realization, I suddenly got the urge to write and words started forming sentences, sentences formed paragraphs… Wow, it is amazing to discover just what can get blocked when there are hidden issues lingering in your soul.

Let the healing begin!!!

Changes in Me

Since starting this journey, I have discovered just how much I have been lying to myself. Telling myself one thing and doing the total opposite, causing myself such turmoil and chaos within me. Wow, nothing like the realization that I was my own worse enemy.

I have been, for as long as I can remember, a "soapbox queen." Meaning, when I feel strongly about something, I dig in, plant my feet and start lecturing on how the other is wrong in their thinking, why their wrong and how they need to change. Yup, I tried to change others and when I failed to change others, I started to dislike the person for not seeing things "my" way and question myself in how can I be around such a person. Wow, what a judgmental attitude!

Secondly, learning to be me. I have always believed that I am "me" and no one could change "me", my behavior or my beliefs. I am strong, courageous; fearlessly stand my ground, … until you tell me you don't like it. Then I will back down and hide myself within myself so I don't offend or embarrass you. Sacrificing "me" to appease. This appeasement isn't just on my behavior or personality traits, but on my beliefs. I will not "force the issue" of kindness to others, understanding and such if it is going to cause an argument or tension for me. I'll back down and let you do spiteful acts to others, as long as I don’t have to be the defendant of myself. I'm a doormat.

I am a controversy within myself.

The changes in me…

In recognizing these behaviors, I also realized that I was ashamed of myself, in that I was ashamed of my proclamations of who and how I am versus my actual behaviors. This realization brought on many questions as well: Is my resentment towards others a projection of the resentment I feel towards myself? How do I change my behaviors to be in balance with my beliefs? Can I change while remaining in my current life position?

Time…

Some time has passed and effort given to be the person I have claimed to be. I feel I am emerging into my beliefs with a conviction to stay true to myself, my whole self, not just the image I show to others, but uniting that image with the image I feel and desire to be.

That is this part of my journey…. Uniting me with me and becoming one.

The Leader of the Path

Some say that there is a higher power in charge, an entity that leads us on our life path, but ultimately whatever higher power you believe in, and even if you do not believe in a higher power, the path we travel is ours. We follow our beliefs or we may follow our thoughts. Do you lead with your head or with your heart?


When we are mentally trying to guide ourselves on a path, (make a decision) we look at the pros and cons of the mental image we conjure or try to predict, "If I do this, this is going to happen." But guess what? We cannot predict the future by thought alone. We base these outcomes on the past and although there may be similarities, the circumstances, situations, locations, the day, time and the decision itself is different from one that took place in the past. However, we still continue to weigh the pros and cons based on the past and from these predicted images two things usually take place:

• We may become afraid of making a choice, with the "been there done that, don't want to do it again" thinking we don't make a decision or
• We hope or state that what we visualized won't actually happen and we make a choice. But, we really don't believe in what we are hoping for.

This is when the "should've" thinking comes in. You know the "hindsight is 20/20" reasoning and then we start to berate ourselves because we "knew" this was going to happen.

Both these scenarios are based on living in the past, when what we need to do is live in the now. Today, this moment, using our mental analysis techniques with our spiritual analysis techniques. Uniting the ego (conscious mind) with our spirit (beliefs). How do we know what our beliefs? We feel them.

Instead of thinking of the past to predict the now outcomes, think of the choice in the now. Get in touch with your beliefs, your feelings, your emotions and listen to them, don't try to talk yourself out of what you are feeling.

When we follow our feelings, we are following our spirit, the ethereal path. When we talk ourselves out of what we feel or act based solely on the past outcomes or the feelings of the past, we are following our ego, the ego path.

Notice how much mind work there is with the ego path? Self talk, remembering the past, bringing the past feelings into the present. No wonder we get stressed and worn out, feeling mentally and physically exhausted at times of choices!